Breakups have a so-so effect on people. One person moves on pretty fast and the other devices ways to report the others work email as spam, or succeeds at ruining their Netflix watch list as a last hurray! More often than not, one person is left with the hurt, and the trauma, the phobia, the triggers and the jawless sniggers.
Many can attest to the fact that a breakup made them better while for others, it is rather difficult to admit that they had spent months, years even, in a fruitless, unyielding stint of “opening up” and being “conversationalist”. But the question, unasked, is “when is it a good breakup?” Is it when the guy does it or the lady does it?”
With no facts or data to substantiate this, many would say that women break up more because they have the most options. While on the other side of the fence, many people claim that men do the most breaking up because they are the gender to get tired a lot quicker. Also known to be the least of the gender to show emotions, men easily discard and abort mission quicker than a covert team with the wrong intel.
Research published in the Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences Journal by lead researcher Craig Morris reveals,
“Put simply, women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man. A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy…while the man may have ‘left the scene’ literally minutes after the encounter, with no further biological investment”.
“It is this ‘risk’ that has made women choosier about selecting a high-quality mate. Hence, the loss of a relationship with a high-quality mate ‘hurts’ more for a woman”.
“The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it ‘sinks in’ that he must ‘start competing’ all over again to replace what he has lost”.
However, on whose turf does it become dignified or clear that this is “something happening because it had to and I need you to know.”
Now, it has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do with the circumstances. Why are you breaking up? Many have their reasons for breaking up and most times, as we have already established, it has nothing to do with the other person’s feelings.
Having established that, it is safe to say, the worst part of breakups is that it hurts, to be the one who endures, the one who hopes to change the other person, the one who waits around and takes it all in in the name of love, only to be dropped and ignored like a plaque. It is also asinine. You become the ignored one, the lunatic, and you wonder, what in the world is happening?
Leaving you a lot worse than you have been enduring for the past month. First, they never asked you to stay and they will gladly tell you so, and your staying only made you worse, not them.
The best time to break up is not done by waiting for who does it first. It is advisable to leave when you know it is no longer serving you when you have done all to make sense of it and it does nothing but hurt you.
What matters is that you are sane afterwards. It will hurt, but you will be glad you did. The dangers of waiting around are that the other person would never be accountable for their own actions. They will never apologise. They will only ultimately see you as a nagging human whom they cannot bear to see any second longer.
The break-up race should be one to keep your sanity, not one to lose it.
Author: MICAH EMEM ESSIEN