That a person is married, doesn’t mean some people won’t still find them attractive. The gene for attraction doesn’t automatically switch off when there’s a spouse in the picture. There are actually some humans of destruction that go out of their way to prey on married men and women because there’s no commitment involved.
What I’m saying in essence is that it is left for you, the married person to respect the relationship you have with your spouse. The outsider has no such commitment to your partner and they really don’t care I have been out several times with my fiance and I look on in amusement when some are giving him the green light. Even with my rings on, some still want to ‘toast’ me…lol (babe lomo)
Sometimes, we invite the third party all by ourselves. You have a relationship with a friend and emotions start getting in the way. You deceive yourself by saying its nothing and you keep moving closer. You then start to see the ‘missing’ 20% that your partner lacks.
“Oh, see how Tunde listens to me. Always goes out of his way to help me. Lanre doesn’t even put me first.” Before you know it, your spouse no longer excites you. All you’re looking forward to is when Tunde will come to town again. The phone rings and you’re checking the caller ID to see if it is Tunde and you roll your eyes when you see it is Lanre. Careful, sister, that handshake is going past the elbow.
There’s a Yoruba adage that says, “nkan tó báníje, má fi run mú.” (What you have no intention of eating, don’t even smell it lest you get tempted). Humans are emotional beings and sometimes, these emotions make us misbehave if we don’t put them in check.
Another adage says, “tí wón bà n tàn é, má tan ra rè.” (If they’re deceiving you, don’t deceive yourself). Most recognize when the feelings start to come up but deny it vehemently to themselves till they’re in too deep.
At some time in a relationship especially marriage, see finish may enter the equation. And that is when you start to see all the shortcomings of your spouse. “She doesn’t even bend it like Beckham, He’s not even romantic, She likes tying wrapper.”
When you get to this point, you have to remind yourself of all the things that endeared her/him to you and work on your relationship by communicating with each other effectively. It is not by seeking solace out there as that only gives temporary relief.
Again, there are different kinds of relationships. Some are married but are in an open relationship or they’re allowed to bring other partners into the relationship (Nothing somebody will not see on Zikoko). As long as you are both in agreement with the dynamics of your relationship….ba wahala.
Finally, if you decide to let the handshake go past the elbow and you step out in your relationship…please don’t blame the devil. Jeje l’esu joko. Be contrite and ask for forgiveness if they’re willing to forgive you. If not, cut your losses and move on. No matter how angry you get as the aggrieved partner, don’t ever do something that you’ll regret later on – Like violence or worse, killing your partner. Don’t spend your life behind bars for something that could have been handled better.